Susie Turnbull - Keep Manhattan

Posted in: Susie Turnbull - Keep Manhattan
Susie Turnbull - Five Things
By Susie Turnbull
Dec 31, 2008 - 5:20:04 PM

I can hardly believe a year has passed. I don’t mean that tritely, I honestly can’t believe it. The year just flew by---well, after we got rid of last winter’s snow, it flew by, so that was after, what, May? I guess that only leaves seven months, but still, it flew.

So much happens in a year. As I get older, each one melds into the next, and a birthday rolls around and I start to get confused. “This can’t be. I just turned a year older a couple of months ago.” When we’re kids, the year takes an eternity. “I’m 13 ½” “I’m 13 ¾”….my god, when am I going to be 14, I want to drive!”

This year was particularly crazy though. We had a primary, and then an election, and suffered the phone calls and mass-mailing and frightening television ads for ten months (not including the year before as well). I gained a dog and lost a dog. I struggled to keep my business going and my mood up. We had snow and cold, and rain and floods---and then a pretty nice fall, even if it didn’t last too long.

For the most part, I don’t do any of the usual end-of-the-year celebrating. I’m not sure why, I’ve just never felt the need. Oh sure, when I was younger it was an excuse to get drunk, but now that I’m older I’ve decided the hangover isn’t worth the trouble. I’d rather spend New Year’s Day relaxing, not craving weird greasy foods and over-dosing on ibuprofen. I also don’t do resolutions. Why bother? I never follow through on them anyway. Besides, I like to look back on the year and instead of regretting my mistakes and vowing to change, learning from them and growing instead. So, since I started my column with a list of five things (Okay, yes, I realize it wasn’t my first column. Just go with it.), I will end this way as well.

Five things I learned this year (and will try to keep in mind this coming year):

1. Never be afraid to ask for help -- and don’t wait until you hit bottom to do it. I have some sort of weird, masochistic tendency to inflict pain on myself. Mental pain. So, while I was struggling sometimes to just get out of bed in the morning, instead of getting help right away, I waited until I was nearly non-functioning before getting an anti-depressant, thinking that one morning I’d be suddenly able to pull myself up by those bootstraps that everyone is always talking about. (For anyone unfamiliar with depression, or perhaps suffering themselves, those bootstraps aren’t strong enough. You need to see a doctor.)

2. I really hate rain and mud.

3. This kind of goes along with both of the first two, but never try to bury your pet by yourself in the rain. I also learned why people spend extraordinary amounts of money on caskets with silk lining and beautifully varnished wood. I had never understood this until I had to put my dog into the cold ground and then leave her there---seemingly alone. Even though I knew she wasn’t alive, there was still lingering doubt and a fear that she would be cold and lonely.

4. Puppies are a lot of work. It’s weird how between each dog I forget this. The problem is also that no two dogs are alike even if they’re the same breed, so what worked with the first one isn’t going to necessarily work with the second, and then comes the third and nothing works at all, and your house gets destroyed in the process. I figure this long-term memory issue must be the same brain spasm that supposedly makes women forget how much pain they were in during childbirth. (So I’ve heard.)

5. And finally the last thing I learned is there is no such thing as failure. Everything is a lesson learned, and you can always reorganize. Out of necessity I’ve had to get another job, but that doesn’t mean I’m quitting my business ventures. I’m changing things around, adding something new which is actually something old (photographing people and animals, the one constant joy in my life since third grade), and using the internet to my greatest advantage.

There is, of course, one other thing I learned this year---I can write, and people will read and enjoy what I have to say---and for that one, I am grateful I was given this opportunity. I’m sad it has to end, but not for selfish reasons. I’m a firm believer that a small town newspaper should not be owned and operated by a large, anonymous corporation, but by someone invested in small town life and community. I understand also that in these days however, when even those major corporations are struggling, it might not work. It never hurts to try though. It never hurts to try anything---you never know where it will take you. So, with that, I thank you all for listening. I promise you haven’t heard the last of me (whether you want to or not).

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