Commentary

Posted in: Commentary
Commentary: Having faith in a roll of the dice
By Mitch Traphagen
Nov 20, 2008 - 7:29:53 PM

On November 23, 1999, I knew what my responsibilities were. I was just 24 hours into my 37th year and was beginning the journey of a lifelong dream. As I puttered my overly loaded sailboat out of the marina into “Out There,” I had no idea what would happen over the six-month window we opened for adventure. But I knew what I had to do. I was responsible for ensuring the boat systems remained ship-shape, I was responsible for following and understanding the weather to ensure our safety at sea. At the time, those things were two very big responsibilities, but they were clearly defined and I was up to the challenge. I had prepared for years to be up to it. I was responsible - I certainly didn’t feel as though I could just roll the dice of fate.

Responsibility is a funny thing. Who is responsible for the nation’s financial mess? Some might say the president, others might say the bankers, others still the consumers. Who is responsible for finding a cure for cancer or AIDS? Who is responsible for finding a solution to the growing health care crisis in this nation? For the latter two, truth be told, no one is responsible. Perhaps the lack of responsibility is driving the lack of answers.

Today I am less certain of my responsibilities than I was nine years ago. I have a deeply-felt responsibility to the readers of this newspaper and to the community. I have a responsibility to my employee. I have a responsibility to ensure the financial hole I’ve dug to make this newspaper happen doesn’t collapse upon me. Unfortunately, the responsibilities I see are conflicting. While I was digging the hole that became this paper, I leaned on the shovel for a moment to take a breather. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my dream sail away - my boat, something I clearly couldn’t use living here in Iowa but yet still provided an enormous amount of psychological comfort, had been reduced to a means of paying the bills.

It is a painful thing to see. I’m not certain which is worse - having a dream that is never realized or getting a brief taste of a dream, only to see it disappear forever. Right now, I’m leaning towards the latter.

I have come to love Victor. At the risk of being accused (once again) of wearing rose-colored glasses, the people here have restored my faith in mankind. The kids here have restored my faith in our nation’s future. Although this paper has long since stretched beyond the confines of the city limits, the welcome I received and the support I continue to receive is remarkable beyond my ability to describe. I am grateful - not just for the support but also for restoring my faith. That is no small feat.

Should the hole that has been dug collapse, who is responsible? Well, that would be me, of course. Newspapers are a dying industry - couple that with a troubled economy and there is little in the way of bright spots in the future. My colleagues at the competing papers are losing sleep right now over impending layoffs threatened by their corporate parent. They know full well there is no one else to cut - but cuts may be coming, regardless. I am not under the demands of any corporate parent but for the past year, I haven’t yet earned a paycheck and my hours haven’t fallen below 100 per week - well, except, perhaps, for the one weekend I took off back in April. And now some of my advertisers are facing hard times - which is, understandably, having an impact on the paper. Yet, there is nothing for me to cut. The work is the same whether the paper is in the red or the black. Obviously, this situation can’t continue but there is nothing to suggest that it will change, either. Or will it?

I envy the 37-year-old that knew his responsibilities. I envy the fact that responsibilities could possibly be so clear and well-defined. And now, as dirt begins to trickle down upon me in this deep hole, as a 46-year-old, I have to weigh mine - there is nothing clear or well-defined about it. Which, of course, places me in with thousands of others wondering much the same things - do they pay the mortgage or the electric bill; is it OK to pull a gun on Peter in order to pay Paul?

Albert Einstein once said that he did not believe that God rolled dice with the universe. Coming from the 20th Century’s greatest mind, that is a comforting thought - that there is order, that everything happens for a reason. My faith in God is unshakable - but so is the blessing and/or curse He instilled in us known as freewill. To which comes another physicist, Werner Heisenberg and his Uncertainty Principle. The only certain outcome is the outcome that has already happened - and even that is based upon the perspective of the observer.

Uncertainty has become the hallmark of this time in America and around the world. While we utter our faith that things will all work out, we reach across the table to pick up the dice. Perhaps that is how it should be. Dreams, chances and risks are the foundation of this nation. Picking up the dice and having faith may not be so contradictory after all. It also seems the responsibility is more clear than it may appear. If I throw snake eyes, it is me - not God, not the president, not Einstein - but me, that is responsible for it.

So not just for this newspaper but also for my colleagues and for the millions of people facing economic and personal hardship I have to say… C’mon lucky seven!

© Copyright 2008 by The East Iowa Herald