Commentary

Posted in: Commentary
Commentary: Good Guys and Crazy People
By Mitch Traphagen
Jun 5, 2008 - 7:53:42 PM

The virtues of living in a small town are, apparently, endless.  The people and business owners that have gone out of their way to help as I start this newspaper is also endless.  The latest case in point of that is Co-op Telephone in Victor.

The telephone system in the Victor office of the East Iowa Herald is basic - owing primarily to cost savings.  The newspaper can’t yet afford higher levels of service.  Recently I had a question about changing my service to add a feature - with my telephone line and fax line, I knew my question would be complicated, at best.  I doubted that what I was going to ask for could be done.

Now in the city, simply asking the question would have been a nightmare of epic proportions.  I would have called an 800 number for the huge telephone company that offered service, been put on hold for hour after mind-numbing hour only to get an off-shore call center where the person who answered would 1) have a name on the order of “John Wayne” 2) would not speak English and 3) would have no idea of what I was asking and would therefore tell me that it was impossible to do what I had hoped to do.

Living in a small town, however, I simply walked across the street to Co-op Telephone Company where I spoke with someone who has been speaking English for her entire life.  The question was complicated but that didn’t deter them - they said they would find out - and in the process went well out of their way to help.  They made certain that I had the service that I needed to run my business.

I walked out of the telephone company office thanking my lucky stars that I escaped the madness of Tampa and somehow magically found this place.  The 1989 movie wasn’t an exaggeration - this truly is heaven, at least in comparison to other places I’ve lived.

That also reminds me of another incident with Coon Creek Telephone in Marengo.  When we came to town to purchase our house, we had only planned to stay for a few days - and then make the big move a month later.  In the course of those few days, however, I had to meet a deadline with another newspaper - which meant I needed Internet access.  I stopped by the Coon Creek office and explained my situation - they had someone out to wire us up that afternoon.  I would defy anyone to try something like that in a city.  First, good luck in even finding a telephone company office and second, prepare for some harsh laughter in your face.  There is no way anyone in Chicago or Minneapolis could give the service that Coon Creek provided.

Which, finally, reminds me of a final attribute of living here.  As we prepared to leave for a month before making the move, I stopped by the Marengo police station to let them know our house would be empty for a few weeks.  I was told that officers would keep an eye on the place while we were gone.  That night, as we prepared for our flight back to Florida, I saw a patrol car drive by not once or twice - but at least four times.

I truly feel blessed to be living here and although I’ve repeated it many times, it warrants another mention:  We have it good here.

Crazy People
It seems that madness is beginning to spread even to medium sized cities.  Canton, Ohio, population roughly 80,000, has instituted a new law allowing for jail time for those who don’t mow their lawns.  On the surface, that may seem like a good thing - and having lived next door to an absentee owner in Tampa, my first instinct might be to say, “Heck, yeah!”  The snakes, rats, mosquitoes and frogs - yes, truly frogs from hell - that lived in the unkept lawn next door was a nightmare - remembering it now makes me think the death penalty might be appropriate instead of a limp-wristed 30 days in jail.

But - returning to sanity - are those people nuts?  What’s next?  Jail time for not having the right paint on your house?  Jail time if you fail to comb your hair?  Jail time if you wear white after Labor Day (or whatever that supposed custom is)?  What are we becoming as a nation if we start jailing homeowners who don’t mow their freakin’ lawns?  Not to mention, who’s going to decide the lawn is long enough to warrant a stay in the pokey?  The crazy guy down the street?  (Every street has a crazy guy down the street).  Is there going to be some kind of lawn compliance committee filled with malicious, petty little people who have far too much time on their hands?  On the other side of the coin - what the heck is so hard about mowing the freakin’ lawn in the first place?  Sheesh!  This stuff isn’t rocket science.

Hey!  Here’s an idea!  If the city has to mow the lawn for safety reasons, they could put a lien on the property like every other city does!  C’mon - let’s get real!  Would you want to explain to a group of hardened criminals in your cell why are you in jail?  A lawn mowing rap would make Arlo Guthrie in Alice’s Restaurant look like a mafia kingpin.

Here’s another idea!  If there’s an overgrown lawn next to you - just call the city to complain or mow it yourself.  Even better - if you have an elderly person or a disabled person as a neighbor - offer to mow their lawn before it has a chance to grow.  They’ll be grateful and you’ll feel better and no one will go to jail.  See?  Problem solved.

On the plus side, the chances of something like this happening in Marengo or Victor are remote at best.  I’m beginning to suspect the secret initiation to some kind of club involves owning a monster lawn tractor - the equipment I’ve seen here is serious stuff.  Let me tell you, I’m none to proud riding atop my little green and yellow Yard Bug for the weekly mowing.

But hopefully I won’t go to jail for that.



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